Are You A People Person Or A Loner?

A people person ~ a person who enjoys or is particularly good at interacting with others.

A loner ~ a person who avoids or does not actively seek human interaction, also known as a quiet person who has no to very few friends. Some loners are people who appear or behave oddly to others. There are many reasons for their solitude, intentional or otherwise.

Ain't life strange? How we can change over time from being a sociable being to one who prefers a more solitary life.

Yesterday a lovely friend asked me if I was attending a school reunion this weekend back in my old stomping ground and said she would love it if I went. 

I said no, please send my regards to all but I would rather not go. Instead I said I would arrange to see this lovely lady another time, on her own.

Looking back I was never antisocial but also not a social butterfly either.

As a child I had a "best friend" at primary school and we went through our early years socialising in the same groups as a pair. We had a large group of friends and my early school years were happy and idyllic without drama and full of many fond memories.

Secondary school saw me become less sociable. Living amongst just the female population within a small boarding year of less than 10 girls as a full boarder in Abingdon Oxfordshire. This didn't really help when it came to socialising as it was nigh on impossible, especially when half your boarding year didn't like you and you were being bullied. It's fair to say that when living in such close proximity to so many females you can become a little stir crazy, especially with no freedom, too much religion and far too many rules. I became rebellious and made it my mission to be expelled. Sadly it took 5 long years because they kept agreeing to keeping me after any misdemeanour until I managed to push the boundaries far enough for them not to relent.

My sixth form was spent back in my home town at the local Grammar school. Here I reconnected with old primary school friends as well as making a few new ones. These two years were spent messing about and having a good time, within a small friend group and I managed to have some great memories from this time but no qualifications.

My education was gained through night school!

I have known my husband since I was 4 years old which means we share many friends. This meant that when we became a couple socialising was always within the same secure familiar environment.

I then went to Derby hospitals to train and become a Registered General Nurse. Whilst training I again met and made a small unit of friends who I socialised with.

Do you see a pattern? Small units, never large groups.

My brother and sister are not like me at all, they both have very large and numerous groups of friends who they flit between and are both exceptionally sociable and extrovert. This is not something I find I am comfortable with ~ I panic in large groups and can't commit to numerous friendships.

Over the years I have seen myself become more secluded, more withdrawn from groups of people.

So, back to the school reunion. I can't go ~ or I choose not to go because I just can't people anymore. Not in groups at least, odd individuals yes ~ but only when carefully arranged and planned in advance. I seriously do not do "drop ins" or spontaneous catch ups!

I am finding that I love my own company and that of just my husband and daughters. I don't feel drawn to going out with friends and being sociable, I feel that time is too precious and that I want to spend as much of it with those closest to me instead. 

I find tranquillity and peace being outside surrounded by nature, my back against a tree, shoes off  and feet in the grass, curling my toes around their blades and connecting to the earth. Watching the clouds scud across the sky and the insects and birds fly around me. Inhaling the fresh air and enjoying the sights and sounds of the natural world around me. If I can get to the coast I can't get enough of watching the waves crash against the sand, being barefoot walking on the sand and on the shore line, waves gently lapping over my feet. Scouring the beach for shells and pebbles, watching the 'gulls dip and glide across the sky and the fresh salty air tingling my senses.

It is in these quieter years that I have discovered and am nourishing my inner witch, part of myself I have kept buried and hidden from view. Now, with perhaps the confidence of age I have found that I am unabashedly focusing on my path and have the full support of my husband and daughters who can see how it is enhancing my life. 

Now, moving along my new path I have found inner peace and enrichment which I hadn't realised had been lacking previously. I have found I don't feel drawn to physically meeting up with people, this makes me sound horrible but it's not meant that way. I enjoy interacting sociably via the power of the internet. This enables me to connect with like minded people as and when I am well enough to be sociable. I can dip in and out as and when my health allows. 

In the physical world I feel awkward explaining my health limitations and if I meet up with people in the real world I end up pushing myself past my limits and making myself ill. I don't feel able to dip out with real life interactions for fear of looking rude or selfish. This means over time, as my health deteriorated my social interactions and real life friendships deteriorated too.

These days I'm no longer able to follow conversations in a group setting or process the information quickly, it all becomes overwhelming and exhausting. This makes me self conscious, anxious and withdrawn socially. Within my home and safe environment I am secure, I can process information over period of time, revisiting it as often as necessary and take rest periods. This means online socialising is the perfect forum for me to be sociable. It affords me the time and space I need and still enables me to be friendly and interact with others.

If you are a people person this may seem alien to you but if you are more solitary then it may resonate. 

I blog as a way to connect with others whilst also processing information on a personal level. It is my open online diary.

So what are you? Do you enjoy being out and about amongst the company of others or prefer time alone or in very small groups?

How do you view online friendships, connecting with people old and new worldwide via a virtual forum? 

The internet and social media is awesome from my perspective. I am connecting with new people with similar paths and interests, I have discovered and enrolled in a magickal online school which is enriching my life in many ways. I can also remain in touch with old friends who I don't want to lose touch with despite my reclusive inclinations. 

Virtually, school reunions ~ yep, I can do that. I'll chat online with you and reminisce but not physically in person. That's not me, not any more. I have reached a point in my life where I am understanding myself, know what is right for me and how to ensure I maintain what health I have by not pushing through beyond my capabilities, which means knowing how and when to say no. 

If you are a new friend I welcome you and look forward to our friendship over in the virtual world. If you are an old friend, I still care about you but my life has changed and so how I interact within it has adapted too, I hope you understand.

Meantime, I am SO excited that we have set the ball rolling with planning permission for my ground floor bedroom, wet room and small garden room. It will in essence make our house a bungalow with a bonus upstairs for the girls. The planning fees have been paid for because I am disabled ~ a unexpected bonus which has help financially. Everything is now crossed that the plans are passed and no one objects so that building can start at the beginning of October. I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it will be to not have to bear crawl up the stairs and live life on one level.

For a bit of fun I did this quiz, the results which are as follows are bang on;

You're practically a hermit!

"Peaceful, serene and sometimes secretive, you often flee crowds or get-togethers, and you like solitude. Without solitude you might have to compromise your personality or way of understanding the world. You like being at home, or with your family, or seeing friends from time to time but you prefer long walks in the town or country, or to spend time reading, watching films or doing something creative. You are a true solitary being — almost a hermit. Without being misanthropic you avoid situations where you are likely to run into people you find too complex or dull. Your ethics are based on freedom to choose, independence and certain intellectual values and you wouldn't enter into anything that might compromise this. You don't like to waste time or energy. Don't forget that the world keeps turning even when you're paying no attention and it's waiting for you to put in an appearance. Try to meet people — they might introduce you to new interests or teach you new things without preventing you from reaching your own goals. You will retain your insight into yourself and your life but it will be more constructive and will mean that you will be able to see more than one side of things."

As far as the last part "try to meet people" I am pursuing that all be it virtually!

~ Blessings ~

x~X~x