“There is not a “true” happiness and a “false” happiness. Only happiness and meaning. The key to happiness is to realize that it is not the same thing as meaning. The key to meaning is to realize that it is to be found neither in the pursuit, nor in the denial, of happiness. Happiness speaks to our health, meaning to our hope. The former provides for the necessities of life, the latter a reason for living… Happiness is the consequence of properly loving ourselves. Meaning is the consequence of loving others as ourselves.”
James Castleton, MD, Mending of a Broken HeartI truly believe that happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, surprisingly this is something that has taken me literally years to wrap my head around.I don't mean that in every moment of every day that you have to be happy, that would be ridiculous. I acknowledge that we all need to have room for other emotions to have their time to play out, for example grief is a time of despair and heartache, however even in these times there can always be sparks of happiness ~ a fleeting humorous memory of the loved one you are mourning could raise a laugh through the tears for example.
For me, happiness is achieved through switching my mindset and perspective of my life and everything that plays out within it. It hasn't been easy, especially as I have walked with the black dog of depression since my late teens, but it's not impossible to achieve.
I have found that pursuit of spiritual fulfilment is a critical part of my progression towards happiness and have recently purchase a book called "Religion of One's Own, A : A Guide to Creating a Personal Spirituality in a Secular World" written by Thomas Moore.
Another important aspect of my spiritual growth is the expansion of knowledge and understanding regarding my Pagan path and witchcraft. I attend three free online Pagan schools, each has something different to offer me and the classes are helping me to understand what is important and what isn't for my personal spiritual path and which aspects of witchcraft I am drawn to and which I can leave behind.
If you are interested in looking into Pagan schools then the links can be found here for; The Magickal Circle School, Serenity Academy of Magick and The Mystical Reality School.
I am discovering so much about myself, my beliefs and what makes me tick which is a huge surprise - considering I'm no spring chicken you'd think I'd know all this stuff about myself by now.
However, I am still very much a work in progress and find my own personal project of self love has some very real episode of violent hiccups. We live in a world where those of us who are larger than the average are often made to feel "less than" and ashamed for not conforming to what is considered to be healthy and beautiful. I have spells of being totally comfortable with my size and looks then for no rhyme or reason I can dip down into the depths of despair, of hate and self-loathing.
For me, happiness is achieved through switching my mindset and perspective of my life and everything that plays out within it. It hasn't been easy, especially as I have walked with the black dog of depression since my late teens, but it's not impossible to achieve.
I have found that pursuit of spiritual fulfilment is a critical part of my progression towards happiness and have recently purchase a book called "Religion of One's Own, A : A Guide to Creating a Personal Spirituality in a Secular World" written by Thomas Moore.
Having issues reading due to my health conditions, my husband is going to read it and then discuss each chapter at a time with me and convey the information from the book and how we can utilise it within our own lives. I am exceptionally grateful to him for doing this for me, it is a system that works well for us as he did this for me recently with the book The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by Howard C. Cutler relating interviews with The Dalai Lama.
Another important aspect of my spiritual growth is the expansion of knowledge and understanding regarding my Pagan path and witchcraft. I attend three free online Pagan schools, each has something different to offer me and the classes are helping me to understand what is important and what isn't for my personal spiritual path and which aspects of witchcraft I am drawn to and which I can leave behind.
If you are interested in looking into Pagan schools then the links can be found here for; The Magickal Circle School, Serenity Academy of Magick and The Mystical Reality School.
I am discovering so much about myself, my beliefs and what makes me tick which is a huge surprise - considering I'm no spring chicken you'd think I'd know all this stuff about myself by now.
However, I am still very much a work in progress and find my own personal project of self love has some very real episode of violent hiccups. We live in a world where those of us who are larger than the average are often made to feel "less than" and ashamed for not conforming to what is considered to be healthy and beautiful. I have spells of being totally comfortable with my size and looks then for no rhyme or reason I can dip down into the depths of despair, of hate and self-loathing.
I have recently had a full health screening by my GP, all my blood tests show that my liver, blood count, blood sugars and cholesterol are good. My kidneys although sitting on borderline CKD stage 3 are the best they have been in 5 years, much improved since weaning myself off Gabapentin, Amitriptyline and Codeine, which were impacting negatively on my kidneys. However I still need to take Cuprofen and Antihistamines daily to keep me ticking over with any semblance of functionality and to keep my allergies at bay. Since coming off my medication I struggle with pain and depression but have to find natural ways to combat those issues as my body has started to increasingly have negative responses to medication.
So, I am as healthy as I can be considering my chronic health issues - but I am a large lady - I don't like the "f" word so prefer larger, comely, thicker, sturdy lady instead. I am in a catch-22 situation, my GP, Consultant, Rheumatoid Physio and Practice Nurse all tell me to love myself the size and shape I am because this is me now. That my conditions make exercise impossible and in some cases dangerous due to unstable joints. The thing is, I don't want to be skinny, just less large. I truly believe that less weight on my joints would help reduce my pain to some degree and less dangerous for my unstable joints. My face bloats now and then for no rhyme nor reason and I have permanently swollen ankles. I would like to find a way to feel attractive and sexy again and not so cumbersome and awkward.
This negative mindset towards myself I know is all to do with my state of mind. If I own my body then I will be able to love it and therefore be able to feel sexy and attractive as I am. What doesn't help is society and its fixation with women being slim in order to be beautiful. The plethora of diets and slimming clubs that are thrown at us via flyers, posters, adverts, magazines, the news and social media. What would be far more helpful is images of women of every shape age and size being made to feel beautiful and the focus set on not losing weight but being healthy. As my blood tests show - I am not unhealthy and my size is a consequence of my chronic long term unavoidable and sadly incurable health conditions. Why does society make me feel guilty for that which I am unable to control?
So, as part of my journey towards choosing happiness I have vowed to support those of every gender and of every shape, age and size and compliment them, and encourage them to focus on their goals in life and not their size. Its not about whether you are too skinny, too curvy, too straight up and down, have big tits, little tits, no tits, big dick, little dick, are tall, short, wide, slim - it's about us as a person and individuality, embracing our quirks and foibles without apology.
I will advocate not only for myself but for others, without any nastiness or vendettas, but to the best of my ability with diplomacy and hope for progressive thinking from others in response.
For now I am doing what I can to improve my own version of what I see in myself when I look in a mirror, to squash the demons fuelled by my negative inner voice and replace it with the honesty and love of my inner child.
I choose to be present - the happy is a bonus, it isn't easy, it isn't always a straight road but I believe that now I know how. Focusing on my spiritual path and the right mindset is critical in how to perceive my reality - to work on looking through the eyes of a positive person, with the faith that with time all things get better. To accept the negative thoughts and acknowledge them before gently steering them away and seeking ways forward that help me positively.
Life is precious and fleeting, instead of agonising about what I am not I will do all I can to focus on what I am and dedicate myself to helping others to do the same. Society needs to change how it targets people and their insecurities and instead bolster them into finding ways to be healthy within the myriad of circumstances and limitations we find ourselves living in.
I used to love exercise - walking and swimming in particular, however I can't do physical activities any more. Which means I miss those amazing endorphins which made me feel so good, exercise is a known mood lifting technique and why advised to those of us who suffer from depression.
Sleep - oh how I miss the nights of long deep sleep, the menopause and health issues have seen those days long gone, so just 4-5 hours sleep a night is a bonus for me. They say if you don't get enough sleep it affects your mood and yes I know that is true but some of us just can't get that and have to do what we can to cope around it. Nanna naps are great, even if you don't manage to sleep, just resting helps.
Spending time with those who resonate with who you are and enable you to be how you want to be helps towards a more positive and happy life. Remove all those who have a negative, energy sapping effect on you or who work at putting you down and not lifting you up.
Enjoy what makes you happy, make time for any hobbies or self pampering, self care time.
Go outside and enjoy the elements, feel, embrace and breathe in nature and all its wonderful gifts. Let the earth ground you and soothe you.
Enjoy the gift of giving, of yourself, your time, your energy and whatever you can to help someone, whether it is buying them something to eat, volunteering for a charity, supporting family, friends or strangers - helping others in a variety of ways can help to make you feel more positive and happy within yourself. Most importantly to do these things without any consideration or desire for reward, but selflessly.
Look for the levity in life, laugh at yourself and don't take yourself so seriously. Don't allow work to fill all your time, try and find a sensible work life balance. I really believe that it's how we approach life that makes the difference. Some things we endure because we have to, if we can't change it then we need to change how we perceive and address it instead.
Don't pass your insecurities onto others, I try very hard to keep mine away from my daughters, especially as they were growing up and instead teach them to find out who they are, embrace their uniqueness and how they wish to define themselves. To not be judgemental and instead celebrate their transitions and milestones with them.
A positive mindset helps to bring forth happiness. Removing negativity is challenging and sometimes distressing, especially relating to individuals in your life. However, this is a very important step towards a happier life.
Own who you are, don't allow others to tell you what you should be, how you should look, how you should live. My spiritual Pagan path and witchcraft bring me peace and balance in my life, meditation helps me cope with pain, my family make me feel loved unconditionally despite my physical limitations, my autistic mind and my constant pain and fatigue. I am not disabled just differently abled, I may not be the same person I was before, I may not be the person I thought I would become but I am still me, doing all I can to live my life to the fullest.
No life is perfect and what we see in others looking from the outside may be entirely different to their reality. We all wear masks, none of us portray to the outside world who we truly are and what we are honestly enduring or feeling. We give the censored version, either for their sake or for our own. The most important lesson is to be open and aware that most things in life aren't as they appear at first glance.
Wishing you happiness wherever and whenever you can find it and peace with your inner demons. Let your inner child out to play, stick out your tongue and feel the rain drops on it as you stand barefoot in the rain, make daisy chain crowns, watch the trees dance in the wind, lie on your back and watch the clouds and enjoy the patterns they make. Feel the earth beneath your feet, marvel at the wonder that is life and embrace it with all its knots and gnarly bits..
So, I am as healthy as I can be considering my chronic health issues - but I am a large lady - I don't like the "f" word so prefer larger, comely, thicker, sturdy lady instead. I am in a catch-22 situation, my GP, Consultant, Rheumatoid Physio and Practice Nurse all tell me to love myself the size and shape I am because this is me now. That my conditions make exercise impossible and in some cases dangerous due to unstable joints. The thing is, I don't want to be skinny, just less large. I truly believe that less weight on my joints would help reduce my pain to some degree and less dangerous for my unstable joints. My face bloats now and then for no rhyme nor reason and I have permanently swollen ankles. I would like to find a way to feel attractive and sexy again and not so cumbersome and awkward.
This negative mindset towards myself I know is all to do with my state of mind. If I own my body then I will be able to love it and therefore be able to feel sexy and attractive as I am. What doesn't help is society and its fixation with women being slim in order to be beautiful. The plethora of diets and slimming clubs that are thrown at us via flyers, posters, adverts, magazines, the news and social media. What would be far more helpful is images of women of every shape age and size being made to feel beautiful and the focus set on not losing weight but being healthy. As my blood tests show - I am not unhealthy and my size is a consequence of my chronic long term unavoidable and sadly incurable health conditions. Why does society make me feel guilty for that which I am unable to control?
So, as part of my journey towards choosing happiness I have vowed to support those of every gender and of every shape, age and size and compliment them, and encourage them to focus on their goals in life and not their size. Its not about whether you are too skinny, too curvy, too straight up and down, have big tits, little tits, no tits, big dick, little dick, are tall, short, wide, slim - it's about us as a person and individuality, embracing our quirks and foibles without apology.
I will advocate not only for myself but for others, without any nastiness or vendettas, but to the best of my ability with diplomacy and hope for progressive thinking from others in response.
For now I am doing what I can to improve my own version of what I see in myself when I look in a mirror, to squash the demons fuelled by my negative inner voice and replace it with the honesty and love of my inner child.
I choose to be present - the happy is a bonus, it isn't easy, it isn't always a straight road but I believe that now I know how. Focusing on my spiritual path and the right mindset is critical in how to perceive my reality - to work on looking through the eyes of a positive person, with the faith that with time all things get better. To accept the negative thoughts and acknowledge them before gently steering them away and seeking ways forward that help me positively.
Life is precious and fleeting, instead of agonising about what I am not I will do all I can to focus on what I am and dedicate myself to helping others to do the same. Society needs to change how it targets people and their insecurities and instead bolster them into finding ways to be healthy within the myriad of circumstances and limitations we find ourselves living in.
I used to love exercise - walking and swimming in particular, however I can't do physical activities any more. Which means I miss those amazing endorphins which made me feel so good, exercise is a known mood lifting technique and why advised to those of us who suffer from depression.
Sleep - oh how I miss the nights of long deep sleep, the menopause and health issues have seen those days long gone, so just 4-5 hours sleep a night is a bonus for me. They say if you don't get enough sleep it affects your mood and yes I know that is true but some of us just can't get that and have to do what we can to cope around it. Nanna naps are great, even if you don't manage to sleep, just resting helps.
Spending time with those who resonate with who you are and enable you to be how you want to be helps towards a more positive and happy life. Remove all those who have a negative, energy sapping effect on you or who work at putting you down and not lifting you up.
Enjoy what makes you happy, make time for any hobbies or self pampering, self care time.
Go outside and enjoy the elements, feel, embrace and breathe in nature and all its wonderful gifts. Let the earth ground you and soothe you.
Enjoy the gift of giving, of yourself, your time, your energy and whatever you can to help someone, whether it is buying them something to eat, volunteering for a charity, supporting family, friends or strangers - helping others in a variety of ways can help to make you feel more positive and happy within yourself. Most importantly to do these things without any consideration or desire for reward, but selflessly.
Look for the levity in life, laugh at yourself and don't take yourself so seriously. Don't allow work to fill all your time, try and find a sensible work life balance. I really believe that it's how we approach life that makes the difference. Some things we endure because we have to, if we can't change it then we need to change how we perceive and address it instead.
Don't pass your insecurities onto others, I try very hard to keep mine away from my daughters, especially as they were growing up and instead teach them to find out who they are, embrace their uniqueness and how they wish to define themselves. To not be judgemental and instead celebrate their transitions and milestones with them.
A positive mindset helps to bring forth happiness. Removing negativity is challenging and sometimes distressing, especially relating to individuals in your life. However, this is a very important step towards a happier life.
Own who you are, don't allow others to tell you what you should be, how you should look, how you should live. My spiritual Pagan path and witchcraft bring me peace and balance in my life, meditation helps me cope with pain, my family make me feel loved unconditionally despite my physical limitations, my autistic mind and my constant pain and fatigue. I am not disabled just differently abled, I may not be the same person I was before, I may not be the person I thought I would become but I am still me, doing all I can to live my life to the fullest.
No life is perfect and what we see in others looking from the outside may be entirely different to their reality. We all wear masks, none of us portray to the outside world who we truly are and what we are honestly enduring or feeling. We give the censored version, either for their sake or for our own. The most important lesson is to be open and aware that most things in life aren't as they appear at first glance.
Wishing you happiness wherever and whenever you can find it and peace with your inner demons. Let your inner child out to play, stick out your tongue and feel the rain drops on it as you stand barefoot in the rain, make daisy chain crowns, watch the trees dance in the wind, lie on your back and watch the clouds and enjoy the patterns they make. Feel the earth beneath your feet, marvel at the wonder that is life and embrace it with all its knots and gnarly bits..
~ Brightest Blessings ~
x~X~x
In case you are interested, here are some links relating to this blog post.
Lifehack: Why Happiness is a Choice (And Why It’s a Smart One to Make), Dan Matthews
https://www.lifehack.org/698442/why-happiness-is-a-choice
For A State Of Happiness; Happiness: it’s not just your genes, stupid! Jasper Bergink
http://www.forastateofhappiness.com/tag/50-10-40-formula/
Inc:10 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Incredibly Happy, Jeff Haden
https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy-wed.html
Happier: If happiness is a choice, why aren't you choosing it? Jill Mansfield
https://www.happier.com/blog/if-happiness-is-a-choice-why-arent-you-choosing-it/
Psychology Today: “Happiness is a Choice.” True or False? Gretchen Rubin
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-happiness-project/201003/happiness-is-choice-true-or-false-plus-the-weekly-video
Psychology Today: Is Happiness a Choice? Michael Woodward
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/spotting-opportunity/201705/is-happiness-choice
Dr Erin Olivo: Happiness is a Choice. Erin Olivo
http://www.erinolivo.com/happiness-choice/
Becoming Minimalist: 12 Intentional Actions to Choose Happiness Today. Joshua Becker
https://www.becomingminimalist.com/choose-happy/
Positively Present: Happiness Is Not A Choice. Dani DiPirro
https://www.positivelypresent.com/2015/12/happiness-is-not-a-choice.html
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