Lockdown Awareness

I haven't posted on this blog for a while and feel bad for neglecting it - being May and invisible illness awareness month plus the month for nurse awareness week it seemed apt to discuss both the lockdown due to the pandemic, nurses and carers plus chronic illness awareness.

In my pre-chronic illness days I was a nurse and I whole heartedly support all those within the caring profession for their dedication to their jobs. It is not something you can do unless you genuinely care about the job and caring for others. I LOVED being a nurse and miss it terribly, yet the knowledge and skills I learnt haven't gone to waste and they have been/are utilised in my private life when caring for my family when addressing accidents and in times of illness. 

As a family we have used the Children's hospital heavily, with many inpatient episodes throughout the girls childhood and adolescence. As adults we have utilised many departments from cardiac, A&E, physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, mental health services and regular outpatient support. Our NHS has been invaluable to us and I cannot express how passionately I feel about supporting and caring for those who work within this service. 

I have quite a list of chronic conditions from multiple allergies to auto immune illnesses which mean that I am predominately house bound, sometimes bed or sofa bound and rarely get out and about and if I do I have to utilise mobility aids and plan the excursion carefully. I am currently looking into a mobility scooter but finances due to the pandemic mean that this may be on a wish list for a while. 

For many, life in lockdown is hard, the limitation of freedom especially, loneliness and isolation a struggle to adjust to - however, this is my normal. The only change for me is that my loved ones can't visit and I have heightened anxiety due to fear of either myself or a loved one contracting the virus. Lockdown life is pretty much my everyday reality, not one I would have chosen for myself and one that crept into my life insidiously, eroding my abilities and freedom little by little, until I reached the situation I now find myself in.

The problem with many of these chronic illnesses are that they are invisible - you can't see them and so you wouldn't know to look at me and others like me, that we are sick. This leads to disbelief and a long and ongoing fight for the proper support and treatment. Media misinformation doesn't help our fight and so finding someone willing to speak out and support us is always incredible, so imagine my delight when I came across the wonderful Miranda Hart on Instagram and her posts raising awareness about chronic illness!

I love Miranda Hart and have often been likened to her TV character, which I will take as a compliment - I thank you.

When I came across her Instagram I immediately followed her and I am awed by her advocacy for Chronic Illness (if you have Instagram I urge you to follow her). This woman "gets" it and it feels wonderful to be "seen". Take a look at this post below (found on YouTube because I couldn't embed the Instagram video on here)

The pandemic and resulting lockdown is hard on everyone - looking at those staying at home I often think of the impact it has on the elderly - those living in nursing or care homes and those living alone at home. If in a care home I reassure myself that at least they have others around them - but I worry about the elderly living alone without the support - who must suffer horribly from loneliness and anxiety. For those of us fortunate enough to live with family we have to ensure time alone for each of us - to have space to just "be" but also to allow any tensions to ease. I love my family and we are fortunate to get on well with each other - but what about those who live with someone toxic or abusive - I worry for their well being. For children who need extra support who may live in difficult circumstances, for the poor, for the homeless, for those struggling to hold onto their businesses, their jobs, their homes.

Life is going to be different from now on, things will take some time to return to some sort of normal and we all need to be aware of the myriad of difficulties we are all facing and support each other and not tear each other down. My priority once lockdown eases will be to support local businesses and also buy local produce and hope that others will do too - so that they can regain their livelihoods. I will minimise my online shopping, which is obviously a necessity right now - not stop altogether because there are some instances where the only place I can access these products is to shop online - plus many small businesses operate online who will also need supporting.

My normal is mostly pretty rubbish - I suffer constant pain, its much worse now since I had to come off my long term pain medications because they were making my kidney function suffer. I heavily utilise meditation and my Wiccan practices to help me cope with the situation and find that this spirituality really does have a positive impact on helping me cope. I can't exercise anymore - something I sorely miss, I used to walk miles everyday with the dogs, anywhere from 2 to 7 miles a day at a good fast pace and would feel refreshed and invigorated afterwards. No more swimming (I couldn't tolerate hydrotherapy either) or tennis. However, I have learnt Tai Chi For Arthritis via the Rheumatology Physiotherapist, which is helpful in keeping my joints moving and gentle enough to not hurt me. However - this inability to "do" a great deal let alone exercise, plus the impact of past medications, has led to a large increase in weight which I now can't shift. I have been supported fantastically by the medical profession regarding this and told that I have to accept that this is "me" now because it is physically impossible for me to do any aerobic exercise and I eat a good healthy diet and don't consume too many calories - if anything I don't consume enough. 

The thing is - when you have a hidden illness, others will judge you negatively - they see the weight and the lack of energy and movement and assume you are fat and lazy. Fighting negative judgements from strangers or those who don't know you well is tough. Justifying why I have a blue badge when I am seen walking sometimes without aids is frustrating. As is putting up with the snide remarks and sidelong looks. I wear my supports when I need to but also try to not rely on them because I don't want my joints to get too weak. I walk with my crutches when I need to but try to walk short distances without them to maintain what strength I have. 

Nurses and all the other medical professionals, support workers, teachers, cleaners, distribution agencies, drivers, and all the other many varied keyworkers keeping our country running as best as possible whilst the rest of us remain at home are all incredible and worthy of our appreciation and support. I participated in the clap for carers for the first few weeks because I am very grateful for the work everyone is doing and the risks they are taking on our behalf. BUT I don't clap on my doorstep anymore, which doesn't mean I have stopped my support or appreciation for what they do - quite the opposite - it's because I felt it wasn't enough to just clap as a thank you, more needs to be done. Supporting and vocalising the need for PPE, for real support for those needing it is more important and so I lend my voice to advocacy for them and lobbying for what they need. I do my part in helping my neighbours when I can too. Standing on my doorstep clapping doesn't do anything for them and many of my old nursing colleagues would much prefer real help and support right now instead. 

For many of you this will end, the lockdown will be eased and you will be able to leave your homes and start to pick up the pieces of your lives and build upon them to regain the pre lockdown life you had. For us with invisible and visible chronic illnesses our lives won't change much at all, with the exception of others being able to visit us. Many of you will be able to return to employment and an income - not all of us can. 

For some it will mean hardships if business or jobs were lost - but if you have your health you have the potential to earn and get a job, it may not be the job or hours you want but it will be a start. I will support anyone wherever I can who is in this situation and know that the foodbanks and charities will be needing a lot more input during the forthcoming months/years because of this too.

It's not a competition, I'm just trying to share the different realities and try to use this experience of lockdown to give you a glimpse of our world, our limitations and financial difficulties at a time when you may be able to get a feel of what it would be like to live like this full time.

We have to live on disability allowances IF we are fortunate enough to navigate the system to receive them and as you may be aware, its not a huge amount to live off either. Plus it entails numerous form filling, interviews and then refusals with many having to go through the appeal process in order to do so. I don't receive the money because my husband earns an income - not a huge one but enough for them to deny me any funding, despite my doctors writing letters of support to say I qualify for it.

So to the outward world, on the occasion that I go out or receive visitors I may look like this, because I am dressed and have made an attempt to look like everything is okay..

However, most of the time I look like this, which isn't such fun..

Without my family and my husband I dread to think how I would cope ~ they love me and care for me as well as living with their own health issues. We are a team and that is how we get through life, by working together and supporting each other. I know that I am fortunate and that although life isn't how I had planned it, it is still a life worth living and fighting for. One that is precious and valuable - so I will continue with the lockdown for however long is necessary and not complain. When lockdown eases my life won't really change but I will be vigilant about who I will be in contact with and take precautions until a vaccine is available - no matter how far away that may be.

I send love and light to all of you, each one of us is in our own unique situation and I acknowledge how difficult it is for many of us, no matter our age, health, sex or privilege -  mental health issues can affect us all and life can be a challenge.

I note and mourn each time I hear of a new death due to the virus, losing a loved on at this time is so much harder because the grieving process is impacted by the restrictions relating to visiting, funerals and access to help.

My heart also aches for the health care professionals who die as a result of catching this virus from working on the front line, as well as anyone else who passes away whose jobs to keep the country moving put them in a position of exposing themselves to the virus.

I thank all key workers from any and every essential job that you do for your service and dedication to keep things working for us. I sincerely wish I could do my part and am enormously grateful for your input.

I ask only one thing, at then end of all this, when life seems to have returned to normality and the pandemic is in the rear view mirror - please remember how it felt to live in lockdown and have some compassion for those of us who live like this everyday. To be "seen" is incredibly validating - to know that advocacy and support is out there for us and the potential for future adequate support and understanding for these conditions would be amazing.

It would be wonderful to one day not feel invisible and to be seen.

I end with this follow up video from Miranda about Chronic Illness, in case you haven't seen it.

Thank you for reading.

~ Brightest Blessings ~

 x~X~x

Facts About Season Influenza Versus COVID-19

Fact: Influenza in humans has been around for literally thousands of years - it is thought possibly for about 6,000 years.  The main school of though is that we first acquired 'flu from animals during the period when animal domestication began. However, because it has been around for so long many of us have managed to build up some immunity to it. Plus, each year vaccinations are offered to vulnerable people to help protect them from contracting the virus. Most deaths from 'flu are within the elderly populations.

Fact: COVID-19 is a brand new disease and so we have no immunity to it, this means it is highly infectious and can spread swiftly throughout the population if measures to contain it aren't taken and that is why there is so much hype about this illness and the need to quarantine people who may potentially be incubating the disease.

To my mind the measures being put in place are not overkill but very sensible protocols to try and contain and quell the spread of the virus. Having a number of direct family members who are classed as being within the "at risk" group of developing a more serious case of the illness should they catch it, including myself, I can hand on heart say I welcome all the precautions being put in place - it is far better to be safe than sorry, don't you think?

"Given that COVID-19 is a new disease, it is understandable that its emergence and spread cause confusion, anxiety and fear among the general public." World Health Organisation.

I thought I would work through definitions, signs and symptoms and so on of each virus to compare to try and clarify the differences between them.


So what is COVID-19? - It is one of the rather large family of Coronaviruses, these can affect both animals and humans depending on the strain of the virus. Many of the Coronaviruses in humans affect the respiratory tract these include our common cold, which is only a mild virus to the more serious viruses such as Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS), Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) and now the newly emerged COVID-19. It has been classed as being a "High Consequence Infectious Disease"(HCID), of which Ebola is one and now COVID-19 has been added to that list too.


So what is Influenza? - As I said earlier, 'flu has been around for thousands of years and so scientists have built up a solid knowledge base about how the virus works. It is most commonly known as Seasonal Influenza and is described as being an acute respiratory infection found in populations worldwide. There are four specific classifications of seasonal flu viruses known as types A through to D. It is the first two - A and B which cause the seasonal epidemics.So what are these four sub-types of seasonal 'flu?

• Type A; this is further broken down into sub-types which I won't go into - this is the type of strain of seasonal 'flu that has historically caused pandemics.
• Type B; this has no further sub-types but lineages. This is one of the common seasonal flu strains along with Type A.
• Type C; this usually only causes a mild viral infection and is not considered worrisome. 
• Type D; this is not known to cause illness in humans but is common in cattle.

What are the signs and symptoms of COVID-19? - If you catch this new virus the typical symptoms are of a fever, feeling tired along with a dry cough. In some cases you may experience aches and pains, a runny nose or congestion of the nasal passages, a sore throat and possibly some diarrhoea. In most cases you will only experience mild symptoms which have gradual onset. In some cases you may have the virus and not feel any ill effects at all. It is thought at the moment that 80% of those who catch the virus won't need any treatment at all and recover without incident. It is only the unfortunate few, approximately 1 in 6 of us who will become very ill with the virus and require medical treatment for breathing difficulties and any other symptoms. Those considered at high risk and therefore most likely to develop the serious symptoms and even potentially die are the elderly and those with preexisting health conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer and conditions that cause dysfunctional immune system responses. However, some younger people who don't seem to have any preexisting conditions have also died of this illness and scientist can't yet explain why this would be. So far approximately 2% of those who have contracted the virus have died.


What are the signs and symptoms of 'Flu? - With 'flu the most common symptoms are sudden fever, a cough which is usually a dry one, muscle and joint aches and pains, headache and tiredness along with a feeling of being very unwell (known as malaise), a runny nose and sore throat.  With 'flu the cough can last for several weeks and can be quite a severe symptom that hangs about whereas the fever and other symptoms usually ease within a week. In most cases no medical intervention is required when you contract 'flu, although you will feel very weak and unwell. In severe cases though, 'flu can cause death within the "at risk" members of the population who are; people aged over 65 who live in industrialised countries, children under the age of 5 in developing countries, plus more generally in all populations worldwide the high risk groups for severe or developing complications from the virus are; pregnant women, children within the group under 59 months in age, elderly, those with chronic health conditions including but not limited to cardiac, lung, kidney, metabolic, neurodevelopmental, liver, haematological disease, cancers and immunosuppressive conditions. Plus those who work within the health care industry due to their heightened exposure to the virus. Stats relating to seasonal flu worldwide show that annually there are between 3 and 5 million severe cases of the virus which result in between 290,000 and 650,00 deaths across the globe.

How is COVID-19 transmitted? - COVID-19 is thought to spread via droplets of virus expelled from either the nose or mouth via simple exhalation, coughing, sneezing. The droplets then spread via the air onto the surrounding surfaces and objects which then can contaminate another person should they touch those surfaces or objects and pick up the contaminated droplets and then touch their face, eyes, nose or mouth. Sometimes if you are standing close enough to someone with COVID-19 and they cough or sneeze or exhale directly at you, then you could directly inhale the infected droplets. Therefore it is advised that if someone is coughing or sneezing you keep a distance of around 3 feet from them to avoid inhaling any contaminated droplets. However, it is thought that the prime transmission is through droplets and not the air - The World Health Organisation is continuing to study how infection is transmitted and so this information may be expanded upon in the future, although this is what is known so far. The problem at the moment is that those who have no symptoms or mild symptoms may pass on contamination via droplets without knowledge of having the virus. Currently it is not known how long the virus can live outside the body on objects and surfaces it could be a few hours or several days - so good hygiene practices are necessary at all times.

An important side note is that for many of us our chance of infection is very low. It is only those of us who have visited one of the areas where there are outbreaks or have been in contact with someone who has returned from one of those areas, who are considered potentially at risk and these people are told to take the risk of infection seriously because it is so new and unknown. It is important to contain the virus to prevent wider spread which is why people are being asked to be careful and self-quarantine in many cases.


How is 'Flu transmitted? - 'Flu is very easily transmitted from person to person via droplets of virus passed via coughs and sneezes from an infected person passing into the air which can spread up to a distance of 1 metre where anyone within that vicinity can breathe in the infected droplets. The virus can also be spread via poor hand washing as droplets can contaminate the hands which then spread them every time something is touched, such as hand shaking or door knobs and picked up by someone else who then touches the contaminated hand or knob etc. Flu is more commonly associated with winter months but outbreaks of flu can be at any time of the year - although less common.


What is the incubation of COVID-19? - The current thinking is that the incubation period is usually around 5 days but it could be anything within a 1 to 14 day period - which is why the quarantine period for self-isolation is currently one of 14 days.


What is the incubation of 'Flu? - The incubation period for 'flu is pretty short approximately between 1 to 4 days but is most commonly around 2 days.


Is there a vaccine for COVID-19? - No, scientists are working to try and create a vaccine and potentially drugs to combat the virus but at the moment, due to the virus being so new, there is not vaccine, treatment or specific drug available to treat the illness. Instead those who develop serious symptoms are treated in hospital with care to support the body whilst it, hopefully, fights the virus and heals itself.


Is there a vaccine for Seasonal 'Flu? - Yes and it is the best prevention against the virus. Vaccinations against seasonal 'flu have been available for around 60 years and because immunity can weaken over time it is advised that you have it annually and it is given via the form commonly given via injection, although a live version of the vaccine can also be given via a nasal spray. Vaccinations offer great protection in young healthy adults but less so in the elderly populations However, even though it may be less effective in the elderly it is still advised to have it as it may prevent the virus from causing severe illness or death due to complications from it. The World Health Organisation advise the following categories take up the annual flu vaccine;

• Pregnant women
• Children between 6 months and 5 years old
• Elderly over the age of 65
• Those with chronic medical conditions
• Health care providers/workers

'Flu vaccinations evolve and vary so the World Health Organisation monitors the situation and updates the composition of the 'flu vaccines twice a year to ensure it is as effective as possible in combating the illness. 

How is COVID-19 treated? - There are no treatments as such for this virus and so instead supportive care is provided to those who have the severe form of the illness and need hospital care - those with mild and moderate symptoms are usually fine without treatment.


How is Seasonal 'Flu treated? - In most cases we self treat at home with bed rest and fluids and fever control such as tepid baths, fans and taking medications such as paracetamol to lower the fever. However prevention is the best treatment and taking up the annual vaccine. In severe cases antivirals are given and further treatment in hospital depending on severity and symptoms.


Can we get COVID-19 from our companion pets such as our cats and dogs? - The current thinking is no, you can't - there have been no reports of these animals having the virus and/or passing it on to humans. Until more is known about this virus the World Health Organisation are advising us that if you are attending a live animal market, not to touch the animals or the surfaces and objects surrounding them. They are also advising to practice good hygiene when preparing food, handling raw meat, milk, animal organs and not to cross contaminate between raw and cooked foods. Plus to ensure all food is cooked thoroughly before eating, practices we should all do everyday anyway.


Can we get Seasonal 'Flu from our companion pets such as our cats and dogs? - No we can't, dogs and cats and other animals can get 'flu but it is not the same as the human virus.


How do I protect myself from contracting COVID-19? - There are some very simple practices we can take to protect ourselves and these are.

• Good hand washing practice - Ensure you wash your hands regularly and thoroughly. Utilise alcohol based hand rubs if you can't access soap and water, this will kill any potential live virus that you may have picked up on your hands. 
• Keep your distance - It is advised that you keep a distance of around 3 feet from anyone who may be coughing or sneezing to avoid inhaling any potentially contaminated droplets that may be expelled.
• Don't touch your face - to prevent any potential droplets that may have been picked up via your hands from entering the body, so don't touch your eyes, nose or mouth. 
• Catch it and bin it - If you don't have a tissue then cough into the crook of your elbow, wherever possible though cover your mouth when coughing or sneezing, use a tissue and then immediately bin the used tissue responsibly in order to protect anyone around you from inhaling any expelled contaminated droplets.
• Seek help - If you develop symptoms that make it difficult to breathe, have a cough and fever then seek medical advice immediately. This will ensure you take the right measures and are given the proper health care should you need it. It also helps to lock down the spread should you need hospitalisation and other people need contacting to self isolate.
• Keep yourself up to date with all the latest news relating to the virus to be aware should it spread to the area where you live. 

How do I protect myself from contracting Seasonal 'Flu? - The following measures are the best protections against the virus.

• Get the annual vaccination.
• Wash your hands thoroughly regularly and make sure you dry them properly too.
• Cover your mouth when coughing or sneezing and dispose of tissues immediately in a responsible manner. If you don't have a tissue then cough into the crook of your elbow.
• If you start to feel poorly then stay away from others to prevent spreading the illness, conversely if someone appears unwell then ensure you keep your distance from them to prevent catching the virus. 
• Don't touch your eyes, nose or mouth.

What are the comparable death rates between COVID-19 and Seasonal Flu? - "Scientists have studied seasonal flu for decades. So, despite the danger of it, we know a lot about flu viruses and what to expect each season. In contrast, very little is known about COVID-19 because it's so new. This means COVID-19 is something of a wild card in terms of how far it will spread and how many deaths it will cause." 

Although there are far more cases of people catching the Seasonal 'Flu virus the death toll from 'Flu is lower than that of COVID-19 if you go by proportional statistics. That is why it is so critical to contain the virus and take the steps that are being put in place to prevent a pandemic of this new strain of corona virus. If left to gain a foothold and become as widespread as seasonal 'Flu who knows what the statistics would be for COVID-19 in comparison to 'Flu and I for one would prefer not to have to find out. 

Rather than using social media and certain papers for your virus updates I would strongly advise utilising the knowledge and advice given out by the professionals such as the World Health Organisation website (which is constantly updating information and news regarding the virus) as well as the national/local health authority information and updates. 

I hope this blog has helped dispel some of the misinformation and eased your mind a little.

For additional clarity I have added some info graphics below along with some information sources.

~ Brightest Blessings ~ 

 x~X~x

Sources:

World Health Organisation: Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) outbreak,Author Unknown
https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019

World Health Organisation: Seasonal Flu, Author Unknown
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/influenza-(seasonal)

Medical Ecology: Influenza, In collaboration with Jason White
http://www.medicalecology.org/diseases/influenza/influenza.htm#sect1

The Scientist: Why Some COVID-19 Cases Are Worse than Others, Katarina Zimmer
https://www.the-scientist.com/news-opinion/why-some-covid-19-cases-are-worse-than-others-67160

Live Science:How does the new coronavirus compare with the flu? Rachael Rettner
https://www.livescience.com/new-coronavirus-compare-with-flu.html

Medication Induced Weight Gain

One bug bear I have is when well meaning folk tell me that I can lose the weight induced by medications I have to take because obviously I'm fat because I eat too much - right? - WRONG!

Blaming/shaming folk carrying some extra weight due to medications by telling them that its because they are eating too much and not a documented fact of taking the medication is wrong and insensitive. If you happen to be lucky enough to not suffer from side effects then I am genuinely pleased for you. If you are someone who doesn't have to take these medications and are being judgemental - then shame on you!

I have gained a lot of weight - several stone over the years because I have to take medication for my conditions. I have no choice in the matter - and have discussed my agonising over whether or not to take them  with my Consultant and rheumatology specialist nurse because I'm only human and find it upsetting watching my body change despite my best efforts to stop it happening.

All of my health care professionals have informed me - with their medical training and knowledge to back it up - that the weight gain is out of my hands and that I am doing everything within my power to keep it reined in as much as possible. They made me realise that I have to choose between being slim or having quality of life. Obviously, opting for a better quality of life is the route I chose, as well as many others like me, and have to take the extra timber I carry as a side effect of that choice.

It annoys me so much that unqualified or misinformed folk believe that it is due to overeating that this weight is put on - admittedly in some cases it can be down to eating more than usual. However, often the increased appetite can be down to the medications which means for some is hard to satiate the hunger.

So, what are the culprits and why do they cause weight gain in many of us taking these medications?

If you are unfortunate to have any of these common medical conditions then it is highly likely you have been prescribed medications which will cause weight gain.

• schizophrenia
• obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
• bipolar disorder
• depression
• type 1 or 2 diabetes
• high blood pressure
• epilepsy and seizures
• allergies
• pain and inflammation 

It is commonly found that some medications are more likely than others to result in you gaining weight, although not all of us will be unlucky, there are some who are fortunate enough to avoid this occurrence.

So why do medications for these conditions and others like them cause weight gain?

Common reasons why your medicine might cause weight gain include:

• Well, they can cause an increase in appetite which is due to the brain being affected regarding the feelings of satiety when you just can't seem to feel full. So - although yes it can cause over eating it is a compulsion that may be difficult to control.
• Some medications can cause you to retain fluid (water) within the body and increase weight.
• Another side effect they can cause is elevated fat storage - for example, insulin can increase fat storage.
• Yet other drugs may cause you to have a slowed metabolism.
• A side effect can cause a side effect, such as fatigue or weakness, leading to less activity, exercise, and calories burned.
• Finally, for a large number of medications it is recognised that they can cause weight gain in those of us who are unlucky enough to suffer from that side effect - however, they don't know exactly why this happens. 

Some well known culprits for causing weight gain are;

• Some antidepressants this is because they can interfere with the neurotransmitter serotonin  and that may affect appetite changes. Some can increase antihistamine in the body and your appetite, it may also cause sedation and fatigue that lower levels of activity. It is well documented that tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs) are notorious for increasing appetite and for causing weight gain. Interestingly, it was found in clinical studies that weight gain was reported in 12% of adults (with a weight gain of more than 7% reported in 8% of adults) also increased serum cholesterol (15%) was also documented. Another interesting fact is that in some cases it has been found that for some people, the weight loss at the outset may be temporary, and then  weight gain may be an issue later down the line due to the therapy. 
• Antihistamines are commonly used to treat a number of conditions, most commonly a variety of allergies and skin reactions. I will quote the following which is very interesting..
  "Newer 2nd generation antihistamines, such as cetirizine (Zyrtec), loratadine (Claritin, Alavert) and fexofenadine (Allegra) selectively antagonize histamine H1 receptors. These drugs, which are available without a prescription, have been associated with weight gain. Antihistaminic activity can also boost appetite, as noted with several other drugs that cause weight gain. A study compared the use of antihistamines and the risk of obesity. Users of cetirizine (Zyrtec) and fexofenadine (Allegra) had significantly greater weight, BMI, waist circumference, and insulin levels. Cetirizine (Zyrtec) can lead to drowsiness in roughly 10% of patients, more than other 2nd generation antihistamines. Cyproheptadine, an older H1 antihistamine, has actually been used to increase weight gain in patients with chronic diseases and failure to thrive. The 1st generation diphenhydramine (Benadryl) is also linked with weight gain when used on a long-term basis. Other 1st generation antihistamines include brompheniramine, chlorpheniramine, and hydroxyzine."
• Antipsychotics and Mood Disorder Treatments - these medications are prescribed to treat mental health conditions for example - schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, sometimes they are also used in conjunction with anti depressants for severe depression too. All of the classed antipsychotic drugs are known to  produce some metabolic changes, however each specific drug has different risks. It has been researched and proven that these drugs can elevate an enzyme called AMP-kinase within the brain of those taking them which blocks the brain histamine-1 receptor and cause an increase in appetite It is often very important for patients to take these drugs and so the risk of weight gain is less important than the risk of stopping taking the medication. It is therefore advised that these people are monitored by having a regular check and assessment of their weight, waist measurement, lipids, blood pressure and blood glucose levels. Some figures relating to weight gain affects are -"patients may gain from 7% to 10% of their body weight. These drugs can have antihistaminic activity and also block serotonin, which may contribute to the weight gain effect."
• Beta blockers have been documented for a long time as being known to lead to weight gain. 
• Birth Control - it is documented that those with higher doses of estrogen or progestin-only birth control can cause weight gain. It is also true that the medroxyprogesterone (Depo-Provera) injection that is given every 3 months can cause significant weight gain in some women.
• Corticosteroids - I think we all are aware that these can cause changes in our metabolic rate, and lead to increased appetite and overeating. They can also lead to extra deposits of fat in your midsection (stomach area) and face - hence "moonface".
• Diabetes medications - some of the medications used to treat type 2 diabetes can lead to weight gain and fluid retention.
• Anticonvulsants and Mood Stabilizers - many anticonvulsant medications are associated with significant weight gain; up to 30 to 40 lbs (15 to 20 kg) in some cases over the long-term.

From what I have been told by my medical team is that it is often the side effects of the medications on a persons body that causes the weight gain and not the drug itself. How you react varies from person to person.We are all different and so our reactions and how much it affects us will vary. These side effects can be stimulated appetite, where your brain doesn't receive the message that you are satiated. Some may make your bodies absorption and storage of glucose change which will result in fat deposits around your middle. Another side effect can be changes to your metabolism meaning you can't burn off calories as easily or as quickly as others which causes weight gain. Some may be due to fatigue meaning lowered activity and calorie burning  and yet others the accumulation of fluid within the body.

How much weight you gain varies depending on each individual and how their body reacts. Some luckier ones only gain a few pounds and then no more, others may find it adds up slowly over a period of time, when the weight continues to go on slowly over time. The latter is especially true for those of us living with chronic health conditions.

If you add onto the medication side effects a lack of mobility, fatigue and post exertional malaise then weight gain is almost inevitable for some of us. 

What is hugely important is to learn to love the new curvier you and ensure you are regularly monitored to ensure nothing negative is going on unnoticed in the background with your health.

I have been told categorically by my health care professionals that I am fit enough within the realms of my illness and that I have to learn to accept the weight I have gained due to the medications I have historically and am also currently taking. I have regular blood tests and check ups and can categorically say I eat far less now than I ever have and that over eating is definitely not the cause of my weight gain. 

All I ask is for those of you who judge without knowing the facts - you are wrong to say overeating is the cause of weight gain and that we are making excuses blaming our medication to cover for it. Shaming and blaming those of us who have had no control over the added timber to our bodies is out of order and should cease immediately. Be grateful that you don't have to live with this and need these medications to ensure a decent quality of life. 

I make no apology for this slightly ranting blog post because it is a topic very close to my heart and deeply affects me personally as well as some of those I love too.

So, if you have nothing nice to say - kindly say nothing at all and keep your judgemental opinions to yourself.

.... and breathe!

~ Brightest Blessings ~ 

 x~X~x

So, Tell Me..

So, tell me .. what is it you want to change?

Now that's one loaded question!

Today was initial assessment day prior to commencing the therapy proper.

For me questions like this are always very difficult to answer, because sometimes there is no absolute answer but a multitude of less concrete more obscure answers.

The therapist is lovely, she is firm, friendly and won't be fudged!

Due to various reasons I can't take medication any more and all I have is therapy and mindfulness to fall back on to control my mental health demons. It is crucial when going down the therapy route for you to like and trust your therapist and thankfully I do - which is a bonus, I didn't fancy having to ask for an alternative person. Historically, for my one to one sessions I have always had amazing therapists - however the family therapy we had several years ago wasn't so great - but perhaps that was down to being a weird dynamic and strange situation rather than a poor therapist.

This time though, I am not with the family, neither am I alone - I am going with my husband - the thinking behind it is that with mental health you need to approach and deal with the bigger picture. My husband is my friend, partner, husband, lover and carer - he has known me for 46 of my 50 years of living on this earth and so in order for things to move forward for a more positive and secure mental health future his presence is essential too. We need to work together to ensure we are both on the same page and find a path that works for both of us to work in harmony towards a mutual end goal.

It means talking frankly, with blatant honesty to each other - to speak about the good and the bad and the various issues or bug bears we have with each other. It is all done respectfully within a safe space and this first session has underlined how secure we are as a couple and that we are more united now than when we first stepped out together, which is heartwarming. However, because of the general life shit shows we are having thrust upon us we are navigating more than our fair share of emotional and physical crap and its sometimes difficult to see the wood for the trees at these times.

Going as a couple to therapy is brilliant, we can discuss it together afterwards and we will be given "homework" to work through and suggestions to contemplate as we move forwards. Focusing on our mental health and accessing help is just as important as focusing on physical health and visiting a GP if you need to. Thankfully, the stigma around mental health care and issues is gradually diminishing as more and more people step forward and talk about it, bringing it into the mainstream and everyday.

For us, doing this therapy route together is a new and unknown journey but one we are both open to and ready to give it our all. Our aim is to adjust to the carer/patient roles along with navigating the plethora of other unfortunate incidents that are currently putting us on difficult ground and find ways to address them without diminishing our mental or physical health and remaining united towards achieving our end goals.

Our daughters are on board and supportive of our journey, we have to lead by example and being advocates of seeking help from whatever quarter is necessary to ensure stability with mental and physical health means that we have to do as we say to our girls and not say one thing but do (or not do) another.

Today I feel hopeful, I feel grateful and I feel loved. Life may be a trial right now in many ways but it is also exceptionally precious and worth fighting to make it the best it can be, regardless of what else is going on, to not let life beat us down but instead to rise up and carry on, finding the happy and the positive within the quagmire of shite, even if that means wearing thigh high gum boots to keep the shit out!

So, next week we have our first constructive session and "homework" to progress through. It may not be easy, but something tells me that it's going to be worth it.

I also have to say -sometimes it is also extremely vital have a damn good cry too - let all that anguish out and really let that valve go nuts as it releases the pressure. OR have a completely wild laughing fit, just let yourself go, relax into it and just free yourself to become it, laugh until your face hurts, your sides and stomach aches and your voice is hoarse. Both are awesome ways to release the tension and it has been known for me to do both at the same time much to the consternation of my onlooking family - who inevitably realise its best to just let me get on with it until I am done.

I know many of you are navigating difficult paths right now and just urge you to be kind to yourself and to accept help to support you during the toughest times, don't let anyone tell you what to do but please allow them to support you whilst you figure out your next move.

~ Brightest Blessings ~ 

 x~X~x

I Choose To Be Present, Happy Is A Bonus.

“There is not a “true” happiness and a “false” happiness. Only happiness and meaning. The key to happiness is to realize that it is not the same thing as meaning.  The key to meaning is to realize that it is to be found neither in the pursuit, nor in the denial, of happiness. Happiness speaks to our health, meaning to our hope. The former provides for the necessities of life, the latter a reason for living… Happiness is the consequence of properly loving ourselves. Meaning is the consequence of loving others as ourselves.”

James Castleton, MD, Mending of a Broken Heart

I truly believe that happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, surprisingly this is something that has taken me literally years to wrap my head around.I don't mean that in every moment of every day that you have to be happy, that would be ridiculous. I acknowledge that we all need to have room for other emotions to have their time to play out, for example grief is a time of despair and heartache, however even in these times there can always be sparks of happiness ~ a fleeting humorous memory of the loved one you are mourning could raise a laugh through the tears for example.

For me, happiness is achieved through switching my mindset and perspective of my life and everything that plays out within it. It hasn't been easy, especially as I have walked with the black dog of depression since my late teens, but it's not impossible to achieve.

I have found that pursuit of spiritual fulfilment is a critical part of my progression towards happiness and have recently purchase a book called "Religion of One's Own, A : A Guide to Creating a Personal Spirituality in a Secular World" written by Thomas Moore. 

Having issues reading due to my health conditions, my husband is going to read it and then discuss each chapter at a time with me and convey the information from the book and how we can utilise it within our own lives. I am exceptionally grateful to him for doing this for me, it is a system that works well for us as he did this for me recently with the book The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by Howard C. Cutler relating interviews with The Dalai Lama.

Another important aspect of my spiritual growth is the expansion of knowledge and understanding regarding my Pagan path and witchcraft. I attend three free online Pagan schools, each has something different to offer me and the classes are helping me to understand what is important and what isn't for my personal spiritual path and which aspects of witchcraft I am drawn to and which I can leave behind.

If you are interested in looking into Pagan schools then the links can be found here for; The Magickal Circle School, Serenity Academy of  Magick and The Mystical Reality School.

I am discovering so much about myself, my beliefs and what makes me tick which is a huge surprise - considering I'm no spring chicken you'd think I'd know all this stuff about myself by now.

However, I am still very much a work in progress and find my own personal project of self love has some very real episode of violent hiccups. We live in a world where those of us who are larger than the average are often made to feel "less than" and ashamed for not conforming to what is considered to be healthy and beautiful. I have spells of being totally comfortable with my size and looks then for no rhyme or reason I can dip down into the depths of despair, of hate and self-loathing.

I have recently had a full health screening by my GP, all my blood tests show that my liver, blood count, blood sugars and cholesterol are good. My kidneys although sitting on borderline CKD stage 3 are the best they have been in 5 years, much improved since weaning myself off Gabapentin, Amitriptyline and Codeine, which were impacting negatively on my kidneys. However I still need to take Cuprofen and Antihistamines daily to keep me ticking over with any semblance of functionality and to keep my allergies at bay. Since coming off my medication I struggle with pain and depression but have to find natural ways to combat those issues as my body has started to increasingly have negative responses to medication.

So, I am as healthy as I can be considering my chronic health issues - but I am a large lady - I don't like the "f" word so prefer larger, comely, thicker, sturdy lady instead. I am in a catch-22 situation, my GP, Consultant, Rheumatoid Physio and Practice Nurse all tell me to love myself the size and shape I am because this is me now. That my conditions make exercise impossible and in some cases dangerous due to unstable joints. The thing is, I don't want to be skinny, just less large. I truly believe that less weight on my joints would help reduce my pain to some degree and less dangerous for my unstable joints. My face bloats now and then for no rhyme nor reason and I have permanently swollen ankles. I would like to find a way to feel attractive and sexy again and not so cumbersome and awkward.

This negative mindset towards myself I know is all to do with my state of mind. If I own my body then I will be able to love it and therefore be able to feel sexy and attractive as I am. What doesn't help is society and its fixation with women being slim in order to be beautiful. The plethora of diets and slimming clubs that are thrown at us via flyers, posters, adverts, magazines, the news and social media. What would be far more helpful is images of women of every shape age and size being made to feel beautiful and the focus set on not losing weight but being healthy. As my blood tests show - I am not unhealthy and my size is a consequence of my chronic long term unavoidable and sadly incurable health conditions. Why does society make me feel guilty for that which I am unable to control?

So, as part of my journey towards choosing happiness I have vowed to support those of every gender and of every shape, age and size and compliment them, and encourage them to focus on their goals in life and not their size. Its not about whether you are too skinny, too curvy, too straight up and down, have big tits, little tits, no tits, big dick, little dick, are tall, short, wide, slim - it's about us as a person and individuality, embracing our quirks and foibles without apology.

I will advocate not only for myself but for others, without any nastiness or vendettas, but to the best of my ability with diplomacy and hope for progressive thinking from others in response.

For now I am doing what I can to improve my own version of what I see in myself when I look in a mirror, to squash the demons fuelled by my negative inner voice and replace it with the honesty and love of my inner child.

I choose to be present - the happy is a bonus, it isn't easy, it isn't always a straight road but I believe that now I know how. Focusing on my spiritual path and the right mindset is critical in how to perceive my reality - to work on looking through the eyes of a positive person, with the faith that with time all things get better. To accept the negative thoughts and acknowledge them before gently steering them away and seeking ways forward that help me positively.

Life is precious and fleeting, instead of agonising about what I am not I will do all I can to focus on what I am and dedicate myself to helping others to do the same. Society needs to change how it targets people and their insecurities and instead bolster them into finding ways to be healthy within the myriad of circumstances and limitations we find ourselves living in.

I used to love exercise - walking and swimming in particular, however I can't do physical activities any more. Which means I miss those amazing endorphins which made me feel so good, exercise is a known mood lifting technique and why advised to those of us who suffer from depression.

Sleep - oh how I miss the nights of long deep sleep, the menopause and health issues have seen those days long gone, so just 4-5 hours sleep a night is a bonus for me. They say if you don't get enough sleep it affects your mood and yes I know that is true but some of us just can't get that and have to do what we can to cope around it. Nanna naps are great, even if you don't manage to sleep, just resting helps.

Spending time with those who resonate with who you are and enable you to be how you want to be helps towards a more positive and happy life. Remove all those who have a negative, energy sapping effect on you or who work at putting you down and not lifting you up.

Enjoy what makes you happy, make time for any hobbies or self pampering, self care time.

Go outside and enjoy the elements, feel, embrace and breathe in nature and all its wonderful gifts. Let the earth ground you and soothe you.

Enjoy the gift of giving, of yourself, your time, your energy and whatever you can to help someone, whether it is buying them something to eat, volunteering for a charity, supporting family, friends or strangers - helping others in a variety of ways can help to make you feel more positive and happy within yourself. Most importantly to do these things without any consideration or desire for reward, but selflessly.

Look for the levity in life, laugh at yourself and don't take yourself so seriously. Don't allow work to fill all your time, try and find a sensible work life balance. I really believe that it's how we approach life that makes the difference. Some things we endure because we have to, if we can't change it then we need to change how we perceive and address it instead.

Don't pass your insecurities onto others, I try very hard to keep mine away from my daughters, especially as they were growing up and instead teach them to find out who they are, embrace their uniqueness and how they wish to define themselves. To not be judgemental and instead celebrate their transitions and milestones with them.

A positive mindset helps to bring forth happiness. Removing negativity is challenging and sometimes distressing, especially relating to individuals in your life. However, this is a very important step towards a happier life.

Own who you are, don't allow others to tell you what you should be, how you should look, how you should live. My spiritual Pagan path and witchcraft bring me peace and balance in my life, meditation helps me cope with pain, my family make me feel loved unconditionally despite my physical limitations, my autistic mind and my constant pain and fatigue. I am not disabled just differently abled, I may not be the same person I was before, I may not be the person I thought I would become but I am still me, doing all I can to live my life to the fullest.

No life is perfect and what we see in others looking from the outside may be entirely different to their reality. We all wear masks, none of us portray to the outside world who we truly are and what we are honestly enduring or feeling. We give the censored version, either for their sake or for our own. The most important lesson is to be open and aware that most things in life aren't as they appear at first glance.

Wishing you happiness wherever and whenever you can find it and peace with your inner demons. Let your inner child out to play, stick out your tongue and feel the rain drops on it as you stand barefoot in the rain, make daisy chain crowns, watch the trees dance in the wind, lie on your back and watch the clouds and enjoy the patterns they make. Feel the earth beneath your feet, marvel at the wonder that is life and embrace it with all its knots and gnarly bits..  

~ Brightest Blessings ~

 x~X~x

In case you are interested, here are some links relating to this blog post.

Lifehack: Why Happiness is a Choice (And Why It’s a Smart One to Make), Dan Matthews
https://www.lifehack.org/698442/why-happiness-is-a-choice

For A State Of Happiness; Happiness: it’s not just your genes, stupid! Jasper Bergink
http://www.forastateofhappiness.com/tag/50-10-40-formula/

Inc:10 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Incredibly Happy, Jeff Haden
https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy-wed.html

Happier: If happiness is a choice, why aren't you choosing it? Jill Mansfield
https://www.happier.com/blog/if-happiness-is-a-choice-why-arent-you-choosing-it/

Psychology Today: “Happiness is a Choice.” True or False? Gretchen Rubin
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-happiness-project/201003/happiness-is-choice-true-or-false-plus-the-weekly-video

Psychology Today: Is Happiness a Choice? Michael Woodward
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/spotting-opportunity/201705/is-happiness-choice

Dr Erin Olivo: Happiness is a Choice. Erin Olivo
http://www.erinolivo.com/happiness-choice/

Becoming Minimalist: 12 Intentional Actions to Choose Happiness Today. Joshua Becker
https://www.becomingminimalist.com/choose-happy/

Positively Present: Happiness Is Not A Choice. Dani DiPirro
https://www.positivelypresent.com/2015/12/happiness-is-not-a-choice.html

Fabulous, Magickal and Disabled

Magic is all around us whether we realise it or not.

Its in the people around us and our connection with them.

Its in the love we receive from the animals around us.

Its in the smells we inhale when we are outside.

It's in the flowers, plants and trees that surround us.

It's the feelings we receive when we are reaching for an answer, those in the spirit realm are sending messages and answers our way.

It's in everything we see, we touch, we smell, we hear, we experience ~ tiny almost insignificant details can have a bigger impact than you first think.

Do you think of someone and then the phone rings, or an object falls into your eye line that relates to them, a song plays on the radio that has a link to them ~ that's magic.

I believe that magic is in the everyday, it is part and parcel of our life of who we are and it doesn't have to be all spell work or rituals.

I think spells, for me anyway, are more a whispered word, a focus of intent, a series of actions, a state of mind. Rituals for me are how I carry out specific tasks focusing on the magickal intent and not necessarily a ceremony as such. I have a very loose approach to how I perform magick and I know that how we approach it is different for all of us. Performing spells at an alter is something I do on occasion but mostly it will be in a casual informal setting such as the kitchen, bathroom or outside where I cast them. With just focusing the mind and a whispered word here and there with perhaps the burning of herbs or an offering.

Rituals, for me, are also very casual and informal, I find that this way I feel more connected to what I am doing and can focus on the my intent easier.

My magickal belief and Wiccan religion provide me with spiritual fulfilment and keep me balanced emotionally. However, it doesn't help my physically and wonder if any of my witch friends have any ideas on that score?

Trying to shower using the stool often results in pools of water on the floor due to the small shower screen which annoyingly opens inwards so I have to stand, push in screen before sitting back down to dry myself after the shower and you can see the bathroom door too which is opposite the sink and so you have to shimmy past that when you get out too! 

However, being magickal can be tough when you are disabled, it has obstacles preventing you from doing the things you would love to be able to do.

I would love to go to religious festivals and dance, sing and explore with other witches but I can't. Mobility and energy limitations, for now at least, make this too big an ambition to achieve.

I would love to walk for miles like I used to with the dogs, across meadows and uneven terrain taking in the beauty of nature and laughing watching the dogs bound around with each other whilst taking in the smells and sights around them.

I would love to spend hours in the kitchen cooking batches of savoury dishes and baking cakes and biscuits for my family.

I would love to be able to clean my own home.

I would love to be able to drive and fetch and carry for my husband and daughters.

I would love to not have to wear supports, splints and using aids whilst out and around the home.

I would love to do so much for my girls and husband, like I used to, to actively help and support them in every way possible,

I would love to have a job and earn an income.

All these things and more I would LOVE to be able to do but with deteriorating health due to chronic health conditions, I can't. I can do bits, here and there, but only a little.

It is frustrating.

It is upsetting.

I grieve for what I used to have.

I feel angry that it's been taken from me.

I don't like having to rely on others.

This doesn't help, these are negative emotions but sometimes I feel you have to let them in, to acknowledge them, before you can move on with a more positive mindset.

For me, the worst aspect of living with chronic illness is the necessity of being reliant on others to assist me in aspects of life that are now difficult to do myself. I'm only human and I have moments of weakness and yesterday was one of those, I admit I spent much of the day in tears through sheer grief and frustration.

I miss my independence, my husband is now not only working extremely hard in order to provide for us all but in addition he now has carer duties too, shopping on his way home for food, cooking, sorting and generally running around after me. He drives everywhere, does everything and I feel so helpless not being able to take any of the burden off him and knowing I am adding so much additional work and stress to his life.

This is something I am pretty sure everyone living with disability must feel, nobody enjoys seeing those they love running around after them and seeing them be so tired and stressed.

My husband never complains about these additional duties, but I know it gets him down.

My automatic car replaced my geared one when it became too tiring to drive but now even driving an automatic car is a challenge and so most days I can't drive. This adds even more pressure onto my husband who then has to provide lifts for our daughters when I can't, although I do try to do it when I can. I know the time will soon come when I will have to hang up my car keys for good and that will be a very sad day.

How do we, as people requiring the assistance of carers, make life easier for those who care for us?

I tried but was unsuccessful in claiming benefits to help supplement our income as I can't work but I was deemed not sick enough, which seems to be something far too many of us are coming across. I could have appealed but it takes so much energy and fight that I  gave up. I see the constant battle my daughter has to keep hers and the sheer volume of forms (large forms at that) that keep needing filling in, along with fit notes to prove she is not fit for work and so many supplementary forms that it's exhausting. She needs help filling them in and its a real joke that someone disabled with cognitive issues has to fill so many complicated forms so frequently just to keep benefits that she is eligible for. No wonder so many people give up, I swear they do this deliberately to make it hard for anyone to claim and keep their disability money.

If anyone has any life hacks, top tips or anything at all they could share with me I would be very receptive. I would love to make life easier for my husband and somehow lessen the load he carries and make his life easier. I know once the extension is complete life will be better as I will be able to navigate the home better and keep on top of bits and pieces I can't right now because the layout will be much better and more open, I will have a bungalow layout and no stairs which will be awesome!

I am caring for my emotional health via my religious beliefs, the Wiccan religion resonates so much with me and offers me a lot of strength and comfort. however would love to learn of ways I can utilise witchcraft to help with my physical health and am calling out to any witches who can offer any advice on this score, even better if you are a disabled witch yourself and so can relate to my position.

If you are struggling you have my support and sympathy, if you are a carer you really are extremely valuable and appreciated, the work you do for those you care for means so much to those of us on the receiving end and we cannot thank you enough for your love and support.

~ Brightest Blessings ~ 

 x~X~x

Preparation For Change

This is a time for change, for putting plans into place and working on making our future better.

My veganism has flopped a bit and I have intermittently been eating meat and dairy, although I also eat at least 3 totally vegan days a week the other 4 may include either or dairy or meat.

I have returned to vegetarianism in full for the past week but after watching the documentary The Game Changers I have been motivated to go back to veganism once I've eaten up the rest of my veggie food from the freezer, which isn't that much as it is mostly full of vegan foods.

The documentary really does point out the misinformation regarding veganism and the benefits of it both physically, mentally and environmentally without being horrible to meat eaters, which makes a change. I have decided that I am going to commit to eating plant based to see if I it makes an impact in reducing my joint inflammation and pain, to do this properly I can't be part vegan but all vegan. So once the veggie foods are consumed I am going to keep a diary from day one of the vegan experiment and document pain and inflammation levels as I go through the days and weeks to see how it changes, if it does at all.

If you are interested in the documentary you can watch it for free on Netflix and pay to view on YouTube.

I am also very excited, nervous and wondering how we're going to manage our lives around it BUT soon building work will start on our downstairs extension!

First up will be moving the door in the lounge to make our seating area larger and into a square as opposed as a rectangle, which will make the area far more sociable and allow for additional seating.

THEN, its on to the big deal for us, three rooms comprising of a wee garden room with French doors opening onto the patio which you can access from the kitchen/dining room or from our soon to be new bedroom. The garden room will have a small table and chairs by the window overlooking the garden, a comfy sofa and a TV, it will be where I can sit with Dave for breakfast and in the afternoons, just chilling watching the birds, squirrels and dogs playing around the garden and as it's at the back of the house it will be very quiet.

Second and third rooms will be our new downstairs bedroom which leads off from the garden room, there will be no doorway between dining/room kitchen into the garden room, just a single arch so that the rooms flow, the bedroom will be accessed via a single arch to the right of the garden room and lead into a small hallway with a door to our new bedroom which will have plenty of space for wheelchair access etc and a door out into the garden from it along with garden views (our garden is very private and so that's not an issue re: privacy). Within our large new bedroom will be a wet room, with pull handles and integral shower seat etc so that on my difficult days I can still manage to wash which will be awesome.

What I am hugely excited by is that I will be having a bespoke altar built with shelves above for my books and equipment and cupboard below to store my ingredients and other Wiccan items. I will also be having hooks put "just so" to hold my besom safely out of the way when I'm not using it. So I will have my own private area within my bedroom to practice the craft without interruption and I can have my altar north facing too, which is just brilliant.

Once the building work is finished I will then be able to rearrange my inherited furniture that mum passed on to me of her dads desk, a hall stand and rocking chair with foot stool, which hold many exceptionally precious memories of my formative years and mum. I hope to have them placed so that I can see them and use them on a daily basis and drag them out of their various storage hidey holes within the house where they are sleeping right now.

I'm not looking forward to the temporary small fenced area for the dogs that we will be putting up for them which will be accessed via the side door by the bins, because it will be weird for them and they won't like the reduced space available to them. If I can I will be taking them in the car down the road to the meadows, where I'll hobble to the field and let them run on their extendable leads to let off steam. This is going to be a test of my endurance as my mobility, or lack of, is the reason for the building works.

The mess will be a challenge too, but hopefully we can reduce dust etc by sheeting off the area, a little creativeness will be utilised to minimise mess as we go along.

Choosing furniture, colours etc will be fun and most of all the wonder of underfloor heating will be wonderful for me, I am beyond excited by the prospect of converting the downstairs of my house into a bungalow without having to move home. The upstairs will be my daughters domain and provide plenty of room for the family as and when it may expand.

So for now I am making preparations, organising what to store where and planning how we are going to manage when the works start. My priority is to ensure the dogs aren't too stressed by it all and that I don't burn myself out trying to manage things, my husband will be to hand and I know a huge help in supporting me through this.

The Wheel Turns, changes occur and time passes, we evolve, we adapt, we manage.

~ Brightest Blessings ~ 

 x~X~x